One of my clients let it slip today that may be somebody older would make a better first impression on consulting parents (I am a psychologist working with children and adolescents with developmental difficulties and their parents). This is someone who has repeatedly told me what a help I have been, I was deeply disappointed and it definitely was a big blow to my self esteem as a professional.
Ok! I don't have grey hair, but I think I have done a lot of work, with a lot of education and research to not be judged for being too young! I believe I try very hard to do my best at what I do, isn't that what counts?!?! I have spent the last 10 years of my life studying working and doing research in the field of psychology and even if I have not should I not be judged by my capacity to do my job rather than my age. This is certainly not the first time its happening to me and I am not the only one either.
My partner also one of the youngest professionals in this region in his domain, has had to hear many such remarks regarding his age. You can certainly add my dearest sister D! to the list. This brings to view a general mentality in diminishing the capacity of a person because they appear young. It's discrimination after all. I am being judged by my age instead of my capacity, it is discrimination based on appearance and not competence! Makes me think does being a young woman (as opposed to a young man) make it worse?
Does the way I dress have an effect? I dress as I used to as 5 years back. Is that the problem? I look more or less like I looked 5 years back so I still fit into my clothes, so am I being judged for dressing too young! (whatever that means!) I wonder if you grow a third eye after marriage and a fourth after bearing a child, how do they know!!! Random people tell me you are young, you don't have children yet so...
How many more years do I need to work in the field before I am considered competent! There are always older people around. Will I be considered efficient only at the end of my career when there are just a handful of people older than me?
So many irrelevant questions, when the only one that should count is - Is she doing her job?
Why
do we think being older means being more efficient! Don't we know from
experience that age does not necessarily guarantee efficiency?!?!
So many irrelevant questions, when the only one that should count is - Is she doing her job?
Aargh!
Do tell if you have had similar experiences and how have you reacted?
11 comments:
I will tell you this much, you are one of the best psychologists I know. And you are damn good at what you do. :)
During my research for that dissertation, I met some (really) old psychologists and psychiatrists and I didn't think age had brought them too much wisdom. At least a couple of them. So, I personally don't think age counts. Sure age means more experiences hence more 'wisdom'. But thats not always the case. And I would hate to see it being generalised. Sometimes being young means fresh new ideas. Thinking out of the box and making something different work. For after all when Bill gates made it big he wasn't 60.
People tell me I am too young to want to write a book. :) sometimes I feel they might be right. But what is too young mean really?
Too long a comment. But I hope I made sense. :)
Thanks firstly for telling me I am good at what I do! :-)
I think I question asked for long comments so glad you obliged.
I agree that for age could bring wisdom - cause more experiences. In today's world things are changing so fast, I can't keep track of this generation of youngsters - teens. So we definitely need to appreciate new ideas that the youth bring.
Like I said, age does not matter, only what you do does!
I totally hear you Prathama! I've had something similar asked to me a couple of times in these years of practising --- "do you have kids of your own? How can you tell me what it's like if you don't?" I remember in my first year not knowing how to take that...and my supervisor helped me out and said I didn't have to answer to questions about age or whether I had kids. He would tell me to talk about 'in my experience...'
I hate it when people assume just because we are young or childless or any such group, we are not capable of being professionals in this field. What about all the training we go through?
I agree with you --- age does not matter. It's what we do that does!
Thanks Psych Babbler!
Your comment truly picked me up :-)
It reassures me it is not because of my incompetence but people's prejudices.
I just need to not focus on such remarks and move on.
I can only tell you as a blogger that many times after reading a blog or a comment I imagine someone much older or much younger and have been proven wrong endless times.
IHM, It's so right what you said.. a blog is ageless and the proof that age does not mean anything :-)
Thank You!
In therapy (and ofcourse out of it) this aspect of age holds a lot of meaning, so Ive learnt. I often ask my clients what it means for them to see someone who is young work in the field, surprisingly it opens up a world of things that the client often begins to explore and finds that my competency is not an issue in question at all but their own in working with their problems. Also my supervisors often encouraged me to look at what is going on within me when I become involved in my clients theme. How do I feel when I become a target/focus, why does something a client tell me upset me, etc. Anyhow, Ive goy to say, though I am able to work with these "prejudices" it does not come easy. It is definitely upsetting and I also tend to question myself but the good thing about all this is, there is often another session with the client and another opening to resolve the issue. :-)
It doesnt matter what field u r in - I have faced the same thing that too being in IT where majority of the workforce is young! In the begining months I had to take extra effort to validate my points :(
@ A,
Yeah I get what your saying babe. Are the client's judgements supposed to affect us this way. As you said in the next session things got better because confidence was established once again.
Thanks for your point of view babe
@ Yuvika
It does happen in all sectors isn't it! And you have to make that special effort to prove your skills unfortunately!
@ Yuvika
P.S Welcome here and Thanks for sharing your view.
Hey babe, clients are going to affect us in more ways than one, as they should. I was just saying everything that happens in therapy is worth pursuing :-)
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